sometimes karate hurts

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 15:19:03 GMT

I'd just like to say that this summer's movies are long, boring and stupid. While there is generally a large payoff of action at the end, the rest of the movie is just boring and unenjoyable!
Among the guild:

- Transformers
- Spider-man 3
- 28 Weeks Later

However, there are a few shining stars so far. Knocked Up is probably the funniest movie in years, Fantastic Four was amazing and Evan Almighty, while heavy on Wanda Sykes (A very, very bad thing) was fun and entertaining.

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 02:44:10 GMT

All I want to know is: "When is City Slickers 3 coming out?!"

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 16:45:48 GMT

I had this really cool dream where I woke up after 10 years of being asleep, and the world was post apocalyptic. There were zombies, and post apocalyptic punk rockers who had to make rock songs to make their cars go.

For some reason, I also had one of those laptop tablets that you write and draw on with a stylus and I got on wikipedia to find out that I was going to become a nazi post apocalyptic punk rocker, and I was like "Nazi? wtf?"

I decided to just ride it out and see how it worked out for me, until I woke up back in regular life. Grumbles ensued as I realized that my roomate had, in fact, not had his brains eaten by his zombie girlfriend.

Fuck Anna Nicole Smith.

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 22:33:09 GMT

So, it turns out that there is a possible link between iranian special forces and insurgents in iraq whose bombs have killed close to 200 soldiers. This is a dreadful story which could lead to military action against yet another shitty desert country that no one cares about except for the oil.
After hearing about this, I open up cnn.com and turn on a news channel on tv, because this is an issue of great concern to me. However..on both I am bombarded not by information on the war and this possible turning point in history, but by information on how "Someone broke into anna nicole's mansion in the bahamas!" and "Custody case of anna nicole's child!" and I am forced to ask "Who gives a flying fuck!?"

I hate the news!

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 04:01:11 GMT

I passed chemistry!

The video game awards is, quite possibly, the most shamelessly stupid thing that I have ever seen. I had to turn it when Tony Hawk made an "All your base" joke. Next year, someone needs to suicide bomb that event.

Wed, 08 Nov 2006 14:27:27 GMT

Democrats winning the majority in the house makes me want to yank off my clothes and, clad only in a speedo thong, dance about party-boy style to techno beats.

Here's to a victory for the troops, the middle and lower classes, gays, social progressives and all true freedom-loving americans.

Fri, 29 Sep 2006 19:58:12 GMT

Chemistry tests are like vomitting.

I feel really horrible before them..stomach hurts, etc. Then, taking them sucks, kind of like vomitting. Then, when they are done, I feel better just to have the feeling gone and done with. Though now I have a big pile of vomit and a burned esophagus to worry with.

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 13:56:48 GMT

It's week 2 at school..and I get way too drunk..way too often.

Though the other day for PT, we did sprints up this big hill..racing people..and I guess the alchohol gave me a boost cuz I smoked all those motherfuckers up the hill in a race.

Or it could just be as I suspected, I'm far superior to everyone else...like an uber man of some sort. Master race plans to follow.

Soul Calibur tournament is today...I truly believe that I will be taking someone's money home with me. Hopefully I won't end up getting pwned, especially considering how cocky I have been about the whole thing...but look at how these people play, they suck!

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6747612915763731621&pl=true

I'm like "Try that 'stand there in front of me and trade hits' bs with me buddy, and you'll get a face full of staff!"

I briefly fell in love with this 26 year-old teacher who sang that song "You were meant for me" by Jewel at karaoke night while I was drunk. My friends told me that I looked at her before she sang and was like "Ugh...that's an ugly bitch" but then after she sang..I bought her a drunk and was all hugged up on her and asked her if she'd date someone so much younger than her. She said she would if she wasn't married....lolz. She was a bit friendly for a married woman...and I recall her friend tugging on her when we were all hugged up. Her husband is in the air force or something...I'm fairly certain that I could kick his ass. Too bad love isn't based on who could kick whos ass..or who is the better soul calibur player.

Fists of...healing?

Sat, 12 Aug 2006 23:40:51 GMT

So during Annual Training when a particularly scrappy fellow insisted on challenging me in a sparring match, I rushed in with a jab, breaking his nose.

I didn't think much of it, except how cool it was that I broke a d00d's nose and could add that to my list of how badass I am, right under "A in Karate Class"

However, today I learned that, after he visited the doctor, he found out that his deviated septim has been straigtened a bit. He also informed me that, for the first time in 4 years, he is able to sleep without snoring and without his sinuses becoming clogged.

This has brought me to the realization, that I possess a rare gift; the ability to heal people through violence.

While my plans up until this point have included med school, I have decided that, with such a rare gift, medical school would be superfluous. Instead, I have decided that I shall travel the world, kicking the shit out of sick people and healing their ailments. It is the perfect mix of my two callings, kicking ass and healing the sick.

I only regret that I have only recently discovered this gift. It saddens me to think that a simple flying knee to the head of terry schiavo may have "knocked some sense into her" or that a roundhouse kick may have revived chris farley from his overdose.

I will, of course, be pattenting some moves..such as the kidney-dialysis punch or the flying crane of defibrillation.

Of course, I may be a bit premature in making life plans based on my newly-discovered gift, though I have already had great success treating deviated septims and pregnancy.

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 14:48:39 GMT

So for like...2 days..it seemed as though I might escape my fate as a military cadet and end up living off campus, and engaging in normal college student activities such as experimenting with hallucinogenic drugs...plowing random girls whom I do not love..participating in sports that you only hear about college kids playing like lacross, rugby and ultimate frisbee..wearing a white ballcap with a 3-letter acronym for a place or team on it..with cutoff shorts and sandals, maybe with a stupid looking beard and hair coming from under the hat.

Then, it didn't work out =(

At least next year I'll know land navigation well enough that I won't get lost in the woods duuring annual training.

a quick list of things that are currently bugging me

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 05:17:07 GMT

Sprite commercials - not funny...not edgy...not making me want to drink sprite.

WoW - Oh, ok, cool, nerf fear powers for the third or fourth time, but buff the armor and weapons of melee classes. Way to fuck over priests blizzard.

Adult Swim - For the most part, Adult Swim sucks. Yea, that's right, I said it. I watch futurama, family guy, mission hill and maybe one or two of the other shows that come on late night cartoon network. Other than that, it sucks. I hate anime, and most people who watch anime, so I don't enjoy the action portion, and who decided that it was a good idea to put pee wee's playhouse between futurama and family guy? Did they figure that we'd just be too lazy to change the channel and end up watching that crap? Well, they are wrong, I can change the channel just fine.

Emily - I've written a play.
*lj-cut*

The background is a city street at darkness with a moon above the scene showing the time of day.

Chris: "Wow, Emily, you sure are a good kisser for a 21 year-old catholic virgin to whom I am am showing complete respect for because I feel as though a good relationship is starting. I am spurred on this belief because you have offered nothing but signs that point to you feeling the same way!"
Emily: "As are you, Chris, I will see you really soon!"
Exit Emily Stage Right.
Exit Chris Stage left.

Cue the moon going down and sun coming up, some d00ds change the set to be a room with a computer and a phone in it.

Enter Chris, who sits at computer and begins typing, saying what he's typing because otherwise you won't know wtf he's typing.

Chris: "Dear Emily, I had a great time last night, Want to get together again sometime next week? Perhaps tuesday I can take you out to dinner, let me know when will be a good time."
Chris sits back in his chair
Chris : "Now to wait for a response."

The stage darkens and the sun and moon cycle through like, a rediculous amount of days. When the stage lights up again, chris has one of those long beards. He clicks the mouse.

Computer: "No new messages! LolZ @ chris."
Chris: "Wtf? =("
The end.

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 04:03:26 GMT

WoW doesn't work on my computer and I have to start my 2 week active duty on satruday. Sometimes I just want to cry about life =(

then I remember how totally awesome I am.

Thu, 06 Jul 2006 23:28:42 GMT

Superman wasn't as horrible as I anticipated, but it wasn't nearly as good as it could have been. Too Richard Donner-ish still, not the right kind of action. I've seen supes take on lex luthor in like...every other movie. Granted, Superman's rogues gallery isn't easily translated into film, but why could we not see a big robot like metallo, or maybe even a surviving general zod, or something that would put a super-powered battle into this movie?

Still, it was good, though some of the changes (ie lois' son) were a bit too drastic.

Also, I moved to rockmart, which is a small town another 45 minutes from school, on top of the hour that it used to take to get there.

Superman is going to suck.

Tue, 13 Jun 2006 16:48:18 GMT

So, to my surprise, Superman Returns has been getting rave reviews. I just can't see how that can be for the following reasons:

- The costume sucks, period. Maybe it looks better in action, but the pictures are all rediculous. Couldn't they have just made the S a little bigger? That wouldn't have made it good, but it would have been a huge improvement. In addition, the increased blue area has a thinning effect on the body, making the guy look too skinny. And what is going on with his hair?
- Lois Lane has been given a child and another man as a fiance. The only time that this sort of thing has ever been a part of superman mythology is probably in some obscure elseworlds story. What in the world would compel them to change one of the main characters in the story in such a fundamental, uneccesary way. Unless the kid is just a brainiac robot in disguise or something, I don't see this as being neccessary.
- All the mistakes in the Christopher Reeve movies seem to be back. Lex Luthor is a goofball, Clark Kent acts like a total doofus. At least there is no Richard Prior or Margot Kidder.
- From what I can tell, it seems as tho Lex wants to pull land masses from under the ocean using kryptonian technology. Let's just pray that it's not due to an affinity for ocean-front property, which is why he wanted to hit the san andreas fault line with a missile in the first movie.
- PG-13 rating = no bare breasts.

Of course, the original and the second had their share of mistakes, but they were amazing because they really captured the character. Though there were some serious departures from the spirit of the character, such as his killing the three Kryptonians and gaining some kinda goofy powers, as well as the totally rediculous portrayal of both Clark Kent and Lex Luthor, the movies were still amazing. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, but not expecting much of the movie.

Fri, 26 May 2006 07:10:52 GMT

X-Men 3 was..interesting...I don't want to give anything away except to say..God damn...haven't we had 2 other movies of character development? Can't we get some effing action?!

The action is few and far between and..well..you will feel like it's x-men for real when a lot of the parodied aspects of the X-Men comics are realized in the movie.

Also..titty count = 0

Thu, 25 May 2006 05:19:24 GMT

Got in a wreck tonight. This is #4. I didn't get my license until I was....18 so it averages out to one wreck a year, though 2 of the happened like..a day apart. Wasn't my fault, but I may still get stuck paying money, totally weak.

Big o' truck sideswiped the lancer..was horrible...big dent..big scratches..terrible...my poor car.

And I was just admiring it today.

But, I'm not going to let it get me down, because I'm hanging out with that girl I have the hots for tomorrow, and going to see a midnight showing of X-Men 3. Expect a review, possibly with spoilers tomorrow night.

Thu, 11 May 2006 00:25:47 GMT

I've decided that the name Chris is totally whack because it is so common. While reading the wikipedia about my name -

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christopher

I found that there are a number of nicknames for Christopher. Wikipedia says

Nicknames derived from Christopher include Chris, Pher (pronounced Fur), Kit and Topher (eg Topher Grace), and Toph (mostly New English).

I'm thinking that I was to be Kit..or Pher from now on. It makes me sound more singular, focused..like an RPG character.

Wed, 03 May 2006 18:39:47 GMT

I really like that picture

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 00:18:09 GMT

So I've been hanging out with this one girl..she goes running with my little running group at night now..and she's fucking fast.

She's a missionary..kind of funny innocent girl, but she's not stupid in the way the last girl that I dated like that was. I realy really enjoy hanging out with her..something about these too-sweet girls that aren't sluts/total bitches/completely stupid/hideously ugly is nice.

She's totally hot and sweet and cute and all that, and I find myself turning back into a pussy like I was before I was jaded and started hating women. I guess that it's mainly because I don't talk to her like I do my friends. The other day I said something along the lines of
"I don't mean to be rude...but maybe it's for the best that my roomate gets out of the ROTC program" and my friend joe was like
"...WTF? Since when do you not mean to be rude?"
and I was like
"Oh man..I mean...He needs to get out, if he doesn't choke on a fucking jujube before next week...slim chance" cuz that mother fucker is kinda fat and eats candy nonstop.

This is all good stuff, because sometimes I get tired of being a jaded asshole, but don't worry, I'll still leave rude comments on your LJ if you say something that makes me want to lol@u.fag.

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 05:00:13 GMT

I'm her "mudding buddy" and she didn't write on anyone else's wall.

w00t!

Tue, 04 Apr 2006 18:50:59 GMT

Remember that post where I said that I ran 10 miles and some dude died? Well, today, I ran 6 and I almost died. I guess it has somthing to do with the elevation in the mountaints, or the fact that it was UP HILL 5 MILES! The iraqi desert is way more level and better to run on.

Sat, 25 Mar 2006 17:17:10 GMT

I won a Soul Calibur tournament last night. The guy I had to beat at the last round was freakin' good, and actually beat me in the primary rounds and I had to come back through the double elimination and beat him twice because he didn't lose to anyone but me.

He used Ivy, which is a character that I kind of get nervous about fighting because I don't use her much myself and she seems to have a few nasty tricks. At the end she still caught a face-full of kilik's staff as I shouted
"IS THERE NO ONE ELSE?!?"

spring break 2006

Sat, 11 Mar 2006 05:41:08 GMT

I just settled in with a frappucino..and a new video game that will likely take me 60+ hours to beat. Spring Break 2006 is underway!

lolz...

Sat, 11 Feb 2006 20:14:03 GMT

You Are 41% American

America: You don't love it or want to leave it.
But you wouldn't mind giving it an extreme make over.
On the 4th of July, you'll fly a freak flag instead...
And give Uncle Sam a sucker punch!

How American Are You?

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 00:26:01 GMT

I am giving serious thought to withdrawing from North Georgia like..tomorrow..which is mid-semester..as a little birthday present for myself. I realized that a senior military college is working really hard to teach me to be a good officer...which is cutting in to the time that I could spend learning things that I would rather learn..like karate..and I don't even want to be an officer...

So fuck 'em, I am dropping them like the capitalization in the previous block.